What on earth is a Crunch Con?
By Charity Bishop

If you would have told me a year ago I would become an organic-eating, water-drinking, animal-rights conservative, I might have laughed in your face. Well, about the organic-eating, water-drinking part. I always did care about animals. Organic food is for yuppies, and leftover hippies who are paranoid that the government is trying to poison them to stop their out flowing of peace and love. I rolled my eyes whenever I saw an organic label or a "greenie" insignia. Even though I still pooh-pooh the notion of global warming (do you blame me, when this winter it has been FREEZING in my state?) and laugh loud and often at Al Gore's personal expense, I have reluctantly come to several conclusions.

First, the government really is out to get you - only they don't realize it (thanks to government-funded factory farming), and second, there IS such a thing as a green conservative. Gasp! Shock! Horror! I KNOW. Who would have thought, huh? I mean, greenie "stuff" has been the far left's mantra for years! But think about it. It does make sense. After all, an organic lifestyle promotes the following, which are all conservative principles:

… Small Businesses: organic farmers are not government-funded. Therefore, they receive most of the profits from your patronage.

… It Lessens the Need for Healthcare: let's face it, none of us want government-run healthcare. How many times have you been mad at the local post office for losing your mail, making you wait in long lines, or have you fill out a dozen forms to mail international packages? The post office is RUN BY THE GOVERNMENT. Do you really want them running your healthcare? Most people will never need serious healthcare on an organic diet. Don't believe me? Check out the Amish, whose all-natural lifestyle has made cancer and heart disease an unheard of illness. I'm not looking to don a dowdy gown and cap anytime soon, but I wouldn't mind eating at their tables!

… Personal Responsibility: that is supposedly what our party is all about, right? Well, the responsible thing to do is take care of yourself so that tax payers are not footing your medical bills.

My personal journey toward becoming a Crunchy Con started at a young age when a trip to the zoo left me in tears because the wild animals were shut up in small cages. For years I concealed my pro-animal rights activism tendencies for fear that it would earn me snubs from my conservative friends. A few months ago, a friend handed me the book "Crunchy Cons" by Rod Dreher and the light bulb went on over my head. I discovered it is possible to be pro-life and care about saving the whales. I can recycle without having to peel off my "I ♥ Guns" bumper sticker or turn in my NRA membership card.

Being a Crunchy Con will not get you thrown off the Republican Christmas Card list. Yes, it might earn a few snickers now and again for shopping in the "yuppie section" of the store, but isn't it worth it to be healthy? I can tell you right now that the benefits are worth it. I have not had a single headache since I quit caffeine. I haven't needed to go to the dentist in two years. I sleep better at night, wake up earlier ready to go, and have lost a reasonable amount of weight without even extolling much effort, just by cutting out junk food and processed products. My hair, ever since I started using natural shampoo bars, is the softest it has ever been. I no longer run on caffeinated beverages and get hunger cravings midway through the afternoon.

What are the benefits to being a Crunchy Con?

… Taking Care of the Environment: don't roll your eyes and mutter "greenie" at me, I'm serious about this. We have only one planet and as far as I know, contrary to popular sci-fi shows, no other habitable world has been found for us to relocate to if we manage to destroy it. I for one have always cared about the environment - growing up in the west surrounded by cattle ranches, a healthy respect for the environment comes naturally. We need healthy land to survive. Using glass instead of plastic, cloth bags at the supermarket instead of paper, and energy-conserving light bulbs help everyone (including your electric bill).

… Humane Treatment of Animals: if you knew the circumstances surrounding the production of milk in this nation, you would be horrified. If you knew what feed lots were like, you would be doubly horrified - and probably never want to touch a hamburger again. Am I one of those yuppies who screams never eat meat? No. I, however, choose to support products where I know the animal has been humanely treated: eggs from free-range chickens, milk and cheese from smaller companies. Just like I would be angry if I saw someone drop-kick a dog, I'm angry at the thought of animal mistreatment and hormonal injections.

… Taking Back the Vote: I'm going to be honest with you. I would never vote for someone just because they agreed with my animal rights activism, but a lot of people out there would. It's not fair that the Left should claim all the environmentalists, animal rights activists, and the younger generation simply by being "green." Most liberals don't even know what truly being "green" means, so why should they get that as their tag line? Conservatives should care about the environment, because it affects all of us. It impacts our waistline, our wallet, and sometimes the outcome of presidential elections.

So what can we do about it? If you are not a Crunchy Con, you may want to consider it for your health. If you are one, and have been one for years but like me, were too intimidated to show it, come out of the proverbial closet and display your recycling bins proudly alongside your conservative beliefs. If you are a Christian, this is especially important, because you believe our bodies are the Temple of God and therefore we are commanded to take care of them. You also know that we are to be good stewards of all God has given us - the beasts of the earth, birds of the air, and the ground beneath our feet.

Who are Crunchy Cons?

We are young and old, male and female, Christian and atheist, meat-eaters and vegetarians, tea-totalers and wine-drinkers. But all of us have some things in common - we believe in the principles of conservative values (low taxes, limited government involvement, etc), are adamantly pro-life, love our Second Amendment rights, and would never turn down a glass of Jamba Juice… ♥